Welcome to the void that is my mind

Just listening to music while I wallow in my infinite sadness. You know the feeling when everything else fades away and you simply melt into the dark sonic oasis of your eternal suffering?
Today I was once again reminded how replacable my existence is. I can't remember when was the last day I haven't told myself to die. I wish I could change my attitude and be happy, but on numerous ocasions I've noticed that I lack something that normal humans have and every time the feeling of dread returned.
I feel lost like a child with no one to save. Nothing to do. Everything has chanced too fast. I thought I could make it through the mist alone. In my mind, there are dark, tall, empty buildings on empty long streets with no one there. The sky is dark and gloomy, always raining down. And there I am, standing in the middle of it all. Asking myself if I deserve this fate. I feel like I am in the middle of an infinite ocean, alone no matter how much I swim I never reach the land. Now I am just floating. Into the void again. Same old me, waiting for a chance. So I made another mistake. Can you not see it my way? Drifting away. Flying above. Not yet reaching my pace. I am gone. Have I flown too far from heaven? I am wrong in my ways. Have I gone too far this time? Can you not save me?
Today I feel like I'm in hell. It will never end, okay? That's the worst part about hell. It never ends and there is no relief no matter how much the flames burn you. There is no escape and I will never make it. Every day forever will be the same. I am trapped in my mind. I can't find the words anymore. I don't even know anymore.